I totally took this from here:
http://www.thirteen.org/peaceful/strate.html
Read the following post, then answer the following questions, to be handed in as a part of Task One, Journal:
1. List three things that active listeners do.
2. What is the purpose of "I" messages?
3. What are the three basic parts of an "I" message?
4. What is the optional fourth part of an "I" message, and why should it be used with caution?
5. What is a win-win solution?
6. What are the four steps of collaborative negotiation?
At Roosevelt Middle School in Oceanside, California, trainers from the Resolving Conflict Creatively Program (RCCP) model good communication skills and help students practice these skills through role-playing and other exercises. Students learn to use communication skills in the process of collaborative conflict resolution, to reach win-win solutions that meet the needs of all parties.
Communication skills encompass a variety of strategies and techniques that aid interpersonal interaction. Using good communication skills is not a matter of simply being "nice." Rather, communicating well facilitates information-sharing, perspective-taking, and genuine understanding. When communication flows well, conflict is more likely to be resolved in a collaborative fashion, rather than escalating to destructive levels. Key elements of effective communication are:
Active Listening
Active listeners:
encourage the speaker with nonverbal cues, such as facial expressions, gestures, and verbalizations.
check for understanding by asking questions such as "What did you mean . . . " or "Could you tell me more?" They also restate in their own words what the speaker said.
"reflect back" the speaker's feelings, saying things like "It sounds like you're really upset." Only when feelings are acknowledged will the speaker feel heard and understood.
"I" Messages
"I" messages are a way of saying how you feel without attacking or blaming. "I" messages help to de-escalate conflicts and facilitate constructive dialogue and problem-solving. Here is an example of the difference between a "you" message and an "I" message:
"You" message: "You selfish jerk! You think the TV belongs to you. Well, it's my turn now."
"I" message: "I feel annoyed when you switch the channel without asking. I want to be able to watch my show all the way through." (For more on "I" messages, see "An 'I' Message Has Three Basic Parts".)
Win-Win Solutions
Win-win resolutions of conflicts are those in which the needs of all parties are satisfied. They stand in contrast to win-lose resolutions, in which a conflict is seen as a zero-sum game where one party's gain is another's loss. To arrive at a win-win resolution requires clear communication and collaborative negotiation.
Students can practice constructing "I" messages in response to these situations. For further practice, think of other situations and then respond with "I" messages.
Carla saw Heather with her arm around Carla's boyfriend Greg. What could Carla say to Heather, using an "I" message? To Greg?
Will wants to copy Mike's homework. Mike wants to say no, even though he let Will copy his work once before. What can Mike say to Will, using an "I" message?
When people negotiate their conflicts collaboratively, they use these four main steps:
1. Pick a good time and place to talk. This can mean waiting until tempers have cooled, or choosing neutral turf on which to talk.
2. Talk it out. Each party states his or her position and talks about his or her needs, using active listening to try to learn how the other party sees the situation. The parties reframe the conflict as a problem to be solved, one that incorporates both party's needs.
3. Brainstorm for solutions. Together, the parties come up with as many ideas as they can for resolving the conflict.
4. Choose a solution. The parties choose a solution that meets their needs and to which they can both agree. They test it out; if it doesn't work, they try another solution.
Oh, finally, here is Figure 1.2:
